Blame it on ME everyone!

On blaming and biases

"We take credit for any positive outcome, but blame failure on outside factors. When we win a computer game like DOTA, for example, it is because of our game dexterity. When we lose, it is because “who could get anywhere a better mouse and keyboard?” In a badminton match, winners usually take personal credit for the victory but blame their partners when they lose. When we get a low grade on an exam, we blame the test or the teacher."

 “Every man is a good man in a bad world—as he himself knows.”


Borrowing this illustration from my Clinical Instructor  in college: "A man once believed that he was dead. The psychiatrist had difficulty persuading him that he was not dead. No argument seemed to convince him. The doctor finally thought of an idea. He asked the man if he believed that dead men don’t bleed.

“Yes”, he replied. Then the doctor took the man’s arm and injected him to draw blood. When the man saw blood spurting into the syringe, he gasped, “My, dead men do bleed!”"

Our biases may not send us to the psychiatrist’s couch, but they elbow their way into relationships giving us the occasional ouch!

Experiments done in the field of social psychology disclose a self-serving bias in the way we perceive events and others as they relate to us. For example, “when compared with ourselves, most of us see our friends, neighbors, coworkers, and classmates in a sorry situation. They are weaker ethically, more intolerant, and less intelligent. We even think our peers are likely to die sooner than we are.

We take credit for any positive outcome, but blame failure on outside factors. When we win a computer game like DOTA, for example, it is because of our game dexterity. When we lose, it is because “who could get anywhere a better mouse and keyboard?” In a badminton match, winners usually take personal credit for the victory but blame their partners when they lose.When we get a low grade on an exam, we blame the test or the teacher.

When the surprise party we are expecting did not happen or when our invited friends did not come we usually blame the group, organizers and friends. We never consider the idea of asking ourselves why they did not come or why they never mind to give a gift? How do I relate with them? Am I being a good friend or a kind one who deserves their effort, time and love?

It seemed that people around us are all wrong. Our  school's management, church, workplace, leaders in this country etc. You are the only right person in the world.  We never realize that we have choices anyway, choice to follow the advice of our friend, parents, leaders or not, choice to be influenced by them in selecting a decision or follow our own convictions. So why blame them in the end?

Rationalizations and excuses are as ubiquitous as the air we breathe. From the highest office of the land to the lowliest abode, people take credit for any positive outcome, but blame failure on the weather, our partner, or former president GMA—following a tradition established by Adam and Eve when they first played the blame game.

Self-serving biases show up in our preferences, differences, prejudices, partiality, our leanings or choices. Truth is, the gamut of our perceptions and perspectives is contaminated by human pride. As William Saroyan put it: “Every man is a good man in a bad world—as he himself knows.” A person’s world crumbles and is complete disarray, but still manages to keep his pride intact.

How then can one keep a balanced, objective mind? I realized that trying to keep a balanced perspective is like attempting to walk a tightrope for the first time. What we need is to be honest with ourselves and “to walk humbly before God” (Micah 6:8). C.S. Lewis said that to acquire humility, the first step is to realize that one is proud.

May we not think of others upon reading this. May this lead us to introspection and  do some self awareness. 

Here’s practical advice from Lee Silber: “To keep a true perspective of yourself, you should have a dog that worships you and a cat that will ignore you!.”

Credits: Bible,CS Lewis, Google Images, Lee Silber, William Saroyan